You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
