i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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