So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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