the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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