i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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