He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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