As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize