Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
