He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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