people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
