can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
