Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i came on her dog
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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