we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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