I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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