i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
