did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
