So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
