i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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