WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
