feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
