I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
