Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
