You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
