yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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