If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
