i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
