:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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