i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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