Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
