Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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