I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
