Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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