Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
