Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
