Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
