Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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