my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
