i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
