You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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