i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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