I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
