We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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