They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
