They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize