I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We need a shit load of segways right now
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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