i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
