Plan B is the new Plan A
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize