I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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