you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
