he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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