my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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