TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
