Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
