I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
farters have to be the big spoon...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize