so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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