I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
