just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
