i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
