i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
