I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
