Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
