it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
