i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
