You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
