no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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