I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
