tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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