I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
